Lost in Limbo…

I don’t know who needs to hear this but, DON’T give up!

I’ve been meaning to write on this for a minute but for some reason I delayed it. It’s something I’ve noticed a lot of people are currently struggling with, particularly this year, and I have to put my hands up and say that me too - I can relate. What is it you ask? From the title, you may have some assumptions but it’s far deeper than those three words. In a generation that doesn’t know where it stands, where the world is constantly changing and where expectations have shifted and the future is evolving quicker than “I saw it already on Twitter” * and breathe * I can see why most of us have been / still are in this lost state of confusion and helplessness.

Let me be raw with it. I’ve noticed a lot of people - online and in real life - opening up on their thoughts and discussing things that are consuming them. It seems that many are unsure of their purpose in life or are anxious about their future and next steps. This is a time where people are questioning their jobs, positions, life choices and more detrimentally, themselves. Right now I’m going to refer to this space as limbo; the land of the lost, where you’re neither here nor there. For some, Limbo is a very dark place where presence and purpose in life are questioned. For others, Limbo is just a temporary pause before making a decision (say a new career or financial decision), and of recently, many people are falling into a final category: they’re confused, upset or lost but they don’t know why. These individuals are fine one minute and upset another and they can’t put the finger on the root of their sadness or anxiety. Have you ever been sad but you're not sad at the same time? It’s a strange feeling. Everything’s fine but it’s not fine either.

To add salt to the wound, depression is on the rise, especially within the younger generation (I guess we still qualify as young, right?) and we’re just laughing it off under the guise of “we move” (a personal favourite) and “I can’t come and kill myself” slogans. In all seriousness, we’ve become the lost generation who live each day wandering; “what next?” I’m not saying that we don’t have our sh*t together but the uncertainty runs far deeper than “so what do you want to do with your life?”. Hopefully, I’m making sense here but it’s not something we should continue to sweep under the carpet for a rainy day. Keep sweeping and the pile of dust will arise and force you to face your truth in a harsher way later down the line!

I don’t know everyone’s position and struggles but maybe you’re in a place where you don’t recognise yourself anymore. You feel like this isn’t the YOU, you knew? Maybe all of a sudden you’re lacking confidence when usually you’re the most confident person you know… or perhaps you’re over-emotional these days when you used to be so in control of your emotions before. Another thing I’ve noticed (as an insomniac) and what I’ve heard people say is that they’ve been finding it hard to sleep. This may be a combination of causes such as overthinking (a popular cause) personal worries/concerns, overworking or under-productiveness (as crazy at that sounds). Whether you can relate to many points or none, it’s becoming increasingly clear that people are experiencing a version of themselves that isn’t them or the person they imagined themselves to be and they simply cannot find a way to “snap out of it”.

Whatever end of the spectrum you may fall on, we can agree that uncertainty of the future and an unclear path is the reason we end up in this space. Whether you’ve experienced this in the past or as of recent, there’s no denying that life seems a little confusing these days (for good reasons or bad). From what I’ve seen (and this may not be something you relate to) we - as a generation - are questioning ourselves more than ever and we are far too harsh on ourselves too. It’s not a thing of not knowing what to do either, rather, it’s a thing of where we know what we want and we have a vision and drive… it’s just how and when that we’re questioning. This feeling isn’t new knowledge and people like Simon Sinek have mentioned this struggle in interviews for years. Sinek’s take on Millennials in the workplace springs to mind, where he hits the nail on the head about why Millennials are having complexes in today’s society. His 15-minute clip went viral as a result and I’ve kindly linked it here (I know, I’m so thoughtful).

Regarding work, the question seems to be between “do what you love, go for your passion and be the best in that field” VERSES just settle for a “real job,” keep your head down and be financially stable. If you do decide to go down the path of what you love and what you’re good at you will need resistance. You’ll be starting from scratch, with little help, long hours, no reward and little-to-no income from it at first. It’s hard. You have to start from the bottom and it’s a gamble. You could make it big or you could end up in the background struggling to make ends meet. What about when you’re six years deep and there’s still no reward, still no money and still no progress? It’s easy to give up on yourself when you’ve tried your best but it’s often these times that indicate that things are about to change.

When pressure all around you remind you that you’re growing up… rapidly, it’s hard not to just give up and throw in the towel. I ask you this: are you really passionate about what it is you want to do if the societal pressures are the reason for your downfall and failure to commit? How passionate are you? Because if you REALLY want it, you’ll find a way. If it is REALLY your destiny, you will find a way and a path will open up to you. Some of us believe that if we’re deserving then things will come but the graft needs to be done to reap the rewards. This doesn’t mean quitting your stable job or changing careers with no backup (although has been done before and with success rates) but it requires a shift in your vision and actions to execute it properly. If that requires you to re-organise your days so that you start earlier and have some more free time or you work in your holidays and weekends, then so be it. You always hear this from the people who’ve made it - the small fraction that made the cut - that often give you hope that maybe one day you too can flourish, but this is someone who’s still on the journey (me, if you’re not following) and though it be long, good things come to those who put in the work (you thought I was going to say wait! Haha).

You have to take risks and be vulnerable in anything that’s worth it. Read that again my friend. I know we validate ourselves by what others think (come on, we’re only human) but people will always have something to say. I know what I’m about to say next is obvious but things aren’t instant. Whatever it is you do, you need to believe in yourself and have the confidence before the world supports you too. You’ll realise quickly enough that those who you had down to support you often DON’T and the people you supported sometimes don't support you back - that’s life. Waiting on the world to see your vision will only delay your start. Believe me! Once you’ve persevered, the same people will come back to show some love and as unfortunate as it is, it’s a lesson you only learn once you’re trying to do something for yourself. This is often the main cause of giving up. When it’s something you love and something you want, it’s disheartening to see that no-one fuxks with it as heavy as you. That’s ok though. It’s your vision after all. I’m not saying your besties won't show support (shoutout to my besties lol!) but it does have an impact overall. Your self-confidence is knocked and you start to retract on yourself but if it’s worth fighting for you should keep going even if you keep it on the side for now.

I’m not sure how religious you are but God always has a funny habit of showing up as soon as you’re about to give it all up. If you’ve been following me on my socials you’d have noticed that I’ve been sharing a particular poem with everyone recently that relates to this (Footprints in the sand). If you’re lucky enough to experience this - as I and others have - you’ll see that when you’re not so confident about a particular thing or you’re about to give up, in limbo, or you’re at a point of urgent direction, you will get a sign, or better still, an e-mail, call or text that will eradicate any doubts and remind you that you’re on the right path.

I think this struggle becomes heightened post-education. Why is it that after education we feel lost? I’ll tell you why: in education, we were given hope, a sense of support and guidance and we told ourselves that this was the step before our next destination. During education, we had a vision and drive but once we’ve left education or training, all of that is pulled from your feet once you enter the real world. I say this for those who are recently graduated, not as a way to be negative or discouraging but as a head’s up. It’s certainly not the story for everyone but it’s the story for most. The truth is, you need your confidence to stay up when things seem down. You need your bulletproof vest (metaphorically speaking… obviously) to see yourself through those first few days, months or even years ( I know!). And the reallllll truth is… no-one actually knows when your break will come so buckle in for the ride.

So what next?

The first place to start is, to be honest with yourself. Are you as good as you think? Are you capable? Are you committed? Do you make excuses? Are you focused? These are the kind of questions you need to be asking yourself before you play yourself in the long run. It’s great to invest in yourself but are you marketable? I don’t say this to suggest that you’re not good enough or that you should simply not bother but being honest allows you to work on your craft and taste the waters. Maybe you need experience in your field so it will be beneficial to reach out to jobs and people with connections in that field. Maybe you just need a little practice and you should pursue it on the side for now, or maybe you need to test it out for a while to know if it’s something you want to do. With anything, you need practice, dedication, passion and drive to achieve anything worth anything.

Lastly, we are the enemies of our progress. Impostor syndrome is a real thing. If you’ve ever thought to yourself the following:

“Have I ran out of time?”

“Am I good enough?”

“Is this the right decision?”

“…but what If I make it? but what if I don’t?”

Then you have been a victim of impostor syndrome and it’s time to kick it to the curb! Besides, if you’re not qualified enough, take the role… that’s the only way you’re going to grow. Stay in your comfort zone and you’ll always question your abilities.

My advice to you all is: believe in yourself, don’t be so harsh and try and enjoy the process. There will be a lot of lessons and L’s along the way, but without the failures, trials, and errors, there is no growth or happiness.

I hope this helps!

Liz x