The side of Christmas we don't talk about
Christmas is usually a time for celebration…
Photo Credit: Josèmaria Muendo
Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. It’s a time for giving, unity, family, and reflection. For those who are religious, there is a purpose behind this festive period as it’s a time where we remember the birth of Christ. However, Christmas isn’t always glamorous to some… in fact, Christmas may be the hardest time of the year - * whispers * but we never talk about that - and we usually don’t consider it unless we’re personally affected.
My Neighbours make up for my lack of effort…
Christmas isn’t always glamorous to some… in fact, Christmas may be the hardest time of the year
Alright people, hear me out! I’m not trying to dampen the mood but I have to keep it real with you too! I don’t mean to sound morbid when I mention this, and I’m not saying to completely calm down on the Christmas talk, but there’s a sensitivity we must adopt when approaching these festive periods and we should at least consider this time of the year on others, especially if we know their circumstances. By all means, enjoy your Christmas, share the love and eat until you can’t eat no more! By all means, take the rest you deserve, spoil yourself a little, enjoy yourselves and be jolly. If you feel like telling yourself that that extra mince pie or box of chocolate will be worked off in January (who are you kidding?) then go ahead and do that too… Just don’t think that everyone will be experiencing the same.
It’s so easy to wish others a “Merry Christmas” and assume that everyone is looking forward to celebrating with no afterthought to its meaning. Besides, around this time of the year, it becomes the new “hello” right? So it’s can’t be thatttt deep. Must everything be so politically correct? Gosh! Well, you definitely have good intentions when you say this to others but as much as you’d like to live in a world where this is a happy time for all, not everyone will want to (or are able to) sing carols, relax all week, watch movies, eat all day long (without having to justify the pigging out!) or open presents, because for some, this time of the year is TOUGH, and for those of us who can enjoy the above, consider ourselves blessed! For real though!
Now, there are many reasons people may not be looking forward to Christmas, and this time especially can be very triggering for some. A recent loss will greatly impact on the dynamics of the day, especially if the individual(s) had an important role in their life. For some, Christmas is a reminder of the big hole that is missing and no matter how much they want to focus on the positives, they simply can’t. This is even harder when the loss is still fresh or it’s the first Christmas with their absence. It’s hard to move on when you never considered life without them. It’s just not the same…
Christmas isn’t just hard on those who have lost someone. Money restrictions can put a huge strain on an individual, particularly when there’s a commercial pressure to spend. How about the families or single parents trying to make ends meet? Or those who have to work over Christmas and worry about how they’ll be getting to work because they don’t drive and can’t afford the double, or even triple fare? What about the children that won’t see their parent because they’ll be at work all day, or those who got told that “this year, money is tight… I’m sorry”? With extra costs and a long gap between paydays, sometimes it’s near impossible to make that money stretch and it can be a big worry.
Let’s not forget about the children from lower-income backgrounds, who have been hearing all the Christmas excitement at school, knowing that they won’t have the same Christmas every talks of? Days off school might mean less food, less warmth and more isolation… and the fear of returning with nothing new can make them feel like the world is against them. Why couldn’t Santa come to them this year like he does for everyone else? How come Timmy’s dad can get everything on his Christmas list but you’ll get a pair of socks if you’re lucky? Not only does it make parents feel guilty or inadequate for not providing, but it associates a negativity to this time that may stay with them way into their adult life. How about the children who are forgotten? The ones in care who get sent to respite homes when the foster parents want their own family time (trust me, it happens). Does no-one care about them?
How about the elderly who have no-one around them? Who may be frail and lonely over this period? It’s not so fun when all your friends have passed away or you aren’t able to do the things you used to do alone. Who’s there to check up on them? Cook for them? Make sure they’re warm and safe? In a country that has a strong aging population, and with care home prices through the roof, (lmao you think I’m joking? You better start saving now! Whew) sadly, there aren’t many people who care about those individuals.
How about the homeless? Those who are unfortunate and cannot fund a roof over their heads. Maybe they actually have a family but they were kicked out? This time may serve as a reminder of their situation and how things could have been different. How about those who rely on day services which will now be closed over Christmas? Where will they go? Don’t worry, I’ll get to that!
*and breathe* shall I go on? I’m nearly done…
What about those living abroad or alone, away from those they love? This year they’ll be on their ones with no-one to spend time with… and let’s be honest, It’s not so easy to convince others to spend time with you when they have their own family to see unless of course, you’re providing the booze, food, vibe, etc OR they’re in the same boat… then you MIGHT have a chance… IF they like you. Soz.
Sometimes it’s the small things that have an impact: an anniversary date, birthday or even a change in health or circumstances in your private life or someone around you. Maybe it’s none of the above and you’re simply not feeling it this year and you can’t wait for it all to end. Is it just me or who else is not really in the mood this year? Just me? Oh, I guess that’s an age thing then…
All joking aside, one thing I do know, is that we take Christmas for granted. We might not appreciate the people around us, the disposable income, good health, strong relationships, family, love, security, food, etc right now, but maybe we should try to appreciate it more. With companies profiting on the hype and FOMO (fear of missing out), it’s easy to forget the meaning behind Christmas. There are SO many more things to focus on then materialistic things, and most of those things are free… and priceless!
I urge anyone who is in a position to help others over this festive period to do something in favour of another. If you’re a teacher or someone who works closely with children, consider your approach to this subject in lead up to Christmas / once they return in the new year. If you know a child who looks up to you or you’re aware of their situation, maybe think of ways you could help? If you have an elderly neighbour who may need some help, or you have a car and can spare time to drive a friend/ neighbour to work, maybe you could offer your service to ease the pressure off someone else? I’ve already heard many stories of people doing their bit, and it has been warming to witness people volunteer in whatever capacity that is. Christmas is a time for giving, and sometimes the best gift is your time or attention.
I hear you Liz, so how can I give back this Christmas?
Grab a friend and do your bit together! The cold nights get better with company!
For the homeless/in need: There are PLENTY of charities giving back to those in need over the holidays, particularly the homeless. You can do anything from donating presents, helping to wrap donations, volunteering at a centre, food banks, etc. A lot of these charities only ask for your time so it’s something everyone can do. Personally, I’ve worked with Crisis at Christmas - a charity that supports the homeless in London, in the past, volunteering 10+ hrs night shifts over Christmas, making sure that there is a safe place to go. I’ll admit, I last gave up my Christmas in 2016, but speaking to the guests and being a person to talk to was far more rewarding than opening a pair of socks I’ll never wear from my secret Santa!
For the Elderly: If you have an elderly neighbour (preferably a sweet old one because some of them be whiling), or know someone who does, maybe you could offer to help with the shopping and check up on them during this week. It could even be as simple as helping to decorate their home to get them in the festive mood! If you don’t know any and you’re free and have time, you can hit up a local Care home and volunteer an hour to talk with and celebrate Christmas with your local elderly community.
For Children: If you know a child that may be from a struggling background, think about gifting them this Christmas. It doesn’t have to be majorly expensive (although this is entirely up to you), but even a gift voucher, new pencil kit or something for school can make a massive difference. It doesn’t hurt to write a Christmas card with an uplifting/motivational message either, and if you’d like to stay anonymous, you can still help! For their parents, you could offer to babysit, give lifts or assist with carrying shopping etc? Childcare is hard enough and a break may be greatly appreciated!
For the bereaved: Be sensitive! You might have forgotten that they lost someone in the year but they haven’t! If you have a friend or family member that is recently bereaved, a phone call for support, message or quick check-up may help ease the pain, even if it’s just a little bit.
For those who get way too many pressies or have some disposable income and want to help, consider asking for gifts that you could donate to charities, hospitals, etc where someone else will benefit. Alternatively, you could gift people yourself or buy shopping for two and make one family’s Christmas a bit better.
Winter wonderland - You’ll be surprised to know this was my first time! Deffo helped get into the Christmas spirit…
There are so many ways to help this Christmas, and with the help of social media, it’s even more easier to connect with likeminded people or spread awareness. I’ve seen people donate to their local council, start soup kitchens, volunteer and so much more which gives me hope in humanity. Not everyone is fortunate enough and that’s ok. Sometimes in life, we stumble, and it’s through the help and love from others that we’re able to lift ourselves back up!
So… to wrap this up (no pun intended), before you tuck into your mince pies and turkeys, (or whatever), spare a thought for the homeless, the bereaved, the lonely, the divorced, the children and anyone suffering this Christmas. Also, don’t feel bad if you haven’t gone HAM this Christmas. The economy is tight so you’re really saving money * R.S taps head *, plus, too many Christmas lights are bad vibes for the environment and if you have decorations but haven’t bothered to put them up (like me… I’m the grinch this year), then tbhhhh at least you save yourself the chore of taking it all down!
To everyone reading this: I really do hope you’re able to enjoy this Christmas or bring joy to others! I want you to take time for yourself where possible and share the love (because that’s free FYI) to those around you. If anyone has anything they want to promote regarding help during Christmas, feel free to let me know so that I can share! As always, I hope this helped! You’re more than welcome to hit me up with any questions (and a little Christmas message saying how much you love me never hurt * winks * ) so feel free to show some love!
Till next time,
Liz x
Photo Credit: Josèmaria Muendo