The person behind the mask: let’s talk Mental Health
mental health
noun
noun: mental health
1. a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.
If you don’t already know, this week is mental health awareness week. I was hesitant to post on this topic at first, but I think my two pence is of value. As someone who has worked closely with people with mental health at work, supported people with mental health and know of people suffering in silence, you could say that after over a decade of exposure, I’m quite aware of the impact it has not only on the individual, but on those who are close to them too. I’m glad that mental health is becoming the forefront of discussion and with the help of influential ambassadors, mental health has really become an important topic… and rightly so.
With mental health being the silent killer of thousands per year and the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK (through suicide), it’s no wonder people are starting to take a stand. Ten years ago, it wasn’t as publicised; things were hush hush and if I’m being brutally honest, no-one outside of health professionals really had a clue what it was or knew how to approach the topic. When you can’t see something, it doesn’t exist… right? That’s the thing with mental health: unless you’re in the middle of a breakdown or you’re open and honest about your feelings, no-one will know until you can’t hide it no more. The stigma is too great for some individuals and so they live their life as someone else behind closed doors. Someone with dark thoughts and no escape that uses a façade to get through life. I’m pretty sure the fear of being sectioned has hindered people from seeking help. Thinking that people will judge them, dismiss them and send them to hospital with all the other “crazies” is a fear for many. The truth is, it’s not so easy to be sectioned and there are many methods that can help before it even reaches that stage such as counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), medication, or even as basic therapies such as exercise and socialising. All these things can be effective in helping, but the later you leave it and the later you go undetected (if you actually have a concern), the higher the risks go up. The best thing you can do for yourself is seek some help as soon as possible.
It really is okay not to be okay, especially in a time where these things are being accepted now. Who hasn’t had bouts of depression or anxiety in this day and age? I can’t tell you how many times I had anxiety during my university days to the point that I would isolate myself in my room and try and calm down panic attacks. You wouldn’t have known that though. A confident girl like me stressing over minor things? (It doesn’t help that I’m hard enough on myself as it is). In a world that puts pressure on this generation more than ever and with social media adding to that pressure of “perfection”, whether that’s body image, wealth or image, it’s no wonder we’re seeing more internal conflicts and breakdowns as a result. I want to be honest with you now and tell you this: NO-ONE has a perfect life. Everyone is struggling one way or another. Someone may be really depressed at home but on the internet will lie and make you feel like you’re suffering alone. Those entrepreneurs whose lives look set? I guarantee you they’ve had days where they can’t even get up and face reality because the odds are stacked so heavily against them. Worse still, they’re in more debt than they started with and are struggling to stay afloat. That person you keep fan-loving on Instagram? They had to psych themselves up before they could even post their picture because deep down they feel ugly and alone. That person who is always happy and bubbly and helps everyone boost their happiness all the time is suffering from smiling depression (oh, it’s a thing I promise you), and that person who seems like they’re in the most perfect relationship with everything at their disposal feels alone, depressed, trapped and is having serious confidence issues. Of course, this is not everyone and a lot of people are who they seem to be, however, it’s important to note that this is more common than you’d think and mental health isn’t just the extremity of psychosis, bi-polar, manic tendencies and sporadic behaviour. Sometimes mental health is seeming happy, being quiet, “ghosting” for long periods of time, disrupted sleep, a change of eating habits and so much more.
Once upon a time no-one even claimed that they were anxious or depressed or had an eating disorder. These days everyone is claiming it as casually as announcing that they’re popping to the shops. To an extent this is good, however, the more “serious” mental health conditions are still heavily stigmatised even if there is progression. Those people who wake up and feel like they can’t seem to control their emotions or notice that they’re slowly acting differently to how they usually are may feel vulnerable – it can be scary – and I get that. People often say to speak to a friend but sometimes that friend can turn around and use it against you. That’s a vulnerability you cannot take back so I can understand why many people don’t want to take that risk. I get it. Everyone says they want you to be open until you open up and suddenly they’re shuffling and you regret it… I know. I’ve said it to people many times but I don’t blame them for wanting to stay closed on the topic. This is something personal in their lives that is equally as scary to them as it is others and there is no worse feeling than opening up only to feel worse afterwards. Life is already tough and overthinking and extra stress really isn’t something that’s needed.
I’m really proud of organisations who specialise in hiring people with mental health to try and overcome the stigma and show others that a condition does not hinder ability or progression. Not only does this allow people to feel comfortable in disclosing any mental ill health but proves that with the right help and support, anyone is able to become the best versions of themselves if they want. Many celebrities have come forward to show you just that. With the likes of Stephen Fry, Russell Brand and many others celebrities including members of the Royal family bringing to light these issues, it’s important that there is a safe space for transparity when disclosing our emotions. Before, if you had an issue, you were either referred to healthcare professionals or you physically made appointments with your doctor. Now, there are so many avenues that you can seek help without having to leave your house. You no longer need to worry about being judged by a close friend or family, or even have a physical conversation with someone. There are 24/hr phone lines available and online web chats you can engage in if you’re not comfortable talking either. Many of these sources are also confidential too and although you can get free help on the NHS (in the UK), there are a lot of private professionals you can seek too which no-one has to know about.
In the last week, I’ve seen people on social media seek out help for friends: on twitter I’ve seen at least five people ask for “black therapists”, “male/female therapist” or recommendations on how to help their friend/ loved one. Music artists have also come forward with their own mental struggles such as Mabel and Geko to show others that they are not alone. Gone are the days where you’d hear “ahh that’s a madting still I can’t lie” and people are genuinely (mainly) seeking help for others who confide in them. I’ve honestly lost count myself on how many people have confided in me and how many people I’ve sent a link for the Samaritans, counsellors, talked someone out of irreversible decisions or just been an ear to vent to. I’m nowhere near perfect myself and I’d be lying if I said I’ve had not had mentally challenging days but even I’ve learnt to practice what I preach and If I’m stressed, anxious or going through a rough time, I’ll try and be more open about it. My main reason behind helping those who are suffering is that I‘m just that b*tch... (I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself! back to serious talk) *ahem* The REAL reason I’m more empathetic is because I know what it’s like to hold in emotions, feel isolated or feel alone (oh, you thought this tough cookie was whipped out of nowhere?) so if I can help someone feel uplifted or offer support, it is absolutely something I will do…within means.
I think it’s important for me to mention that helping those who are struggling can negatively impact your mental wellbeing too and as much as you want to help it is important when to know when the situation has gone out of your capability and when to advise professional help. This can be challenging especially if you’re a close friend. Let’s be honest, no-one wants to be that person who “snaked their friend.” There have been times where individuals have called me with suicidal thoughts (which I take very seriously) or situations that are having real negative impacts on their lives. Sometimes it’s more than one person in that week or day and as flattered as I am to be an ear or a person someone can trust/safe space of no judgement, even I have to take a break sometimes for my own mental health. This doesn’t mean I don’t care, and I will continue to point people in the right direction (although, I’m no mental health professional myself), this is something that the individual must also accept and acknowledge before anything can be done. Without acknowledgement, there’s not much intervention that can be done. As a friend, I could refer someone to a professional or helpline but if that individual does not want help and isn’t displaying dramatic behavioural traits for them to intervene, the cold truth is that not much can be done either.
Having known of one too many people taking their lives over the years (all men) and in recent years people dying suddenly of heart attacks caused by too much stress, this is not something we should ignore. Although there is more I want to say (I appreciate this is long enough), below I have outlined a few ways to help and identify people who may be suffering. I’ve also outlined ways to help yourself and the different avenues you can contact should you need it.
People at higher risks of mental health:
Individuals living alone or in toxic environments
Single parents.
Individuals who are heavily depended on.
Overly happy people
People with smaller friendship groups
Some signs to look out for:
Distancing themselves
Unusual behaviour
Eating disorders
Unexplained absences (from work etc)
Disrupted sleeping patterns or too much sleep
Substance use or increased alcohol consumption
Unusual outbursts
Irritability
Although these are not by any means all of them, these are usually accurate tell-tell signs if you are vigilant enough to spot them over a prolonged period (especially if it exceeds 2/3 weeks consistently).
Mental health isn’t just about the “now”. If we don’t look after ourselves in the present it can affect us in our later years too. I’ve known of people as young as in their late 30’s and early 50’s currently suffering from dementia (often alcohol-induced - Korsakoff Syndrome and alcoholic dementia) and depression and it’s so sad to see. Having worked closely with the elderly, I’ve seen the impacts on a daily basis and witnessed individuals develop bi-polar or psychosis on top of that. This can be scary for the individual and those who can’t recognise them anymore and simply can’t cope as a result.
How we can help ourselves
Be honest and seek help when needed – Identify any trigger signs
Reach out to someone if you’re anxious about your mental health
Exercise regularly
Reduce self-isolation
Get enough sleep
Take time out when overwhelmed – we’re not robots and we need to listen to our bodies
Treat yourself sometimes – whether that’s a holiday, a new gadget, a spa day or anything else, take some time out for you too.
Surround yourself with positive people
Have a solid network / individual that you trust to talk to
How to help others:
Make them aware of the different sources of help
Take them out
Listen to them and keep it confidential
Ask open-ended questions such “how are you feeling” rather than, “I think you’re low”
Ask if you can contact someone on their behalf / who they would like you to contact (I’ve actually approached a situation like this and they were more responsive than I had anticipated).
Know your limits – as much as you want to have the answers and fix, sometimes it’s out of your hands. The best way to be a good friend is referring them for help.
Just so you know:
“We all have mental health…nearly two-thirds of us have experienced mental ill health at some point in our lifetime and that just 13% of us are living with high levels of positive mental health.” – MentalHealth.org
Just deep that. Only 13% of us are truly “happy”, so when you’re next down or troubled remember you are not alone. The other 87% are simply not telling you.
Organisations to know about:
NHS counselling - find one in your area
Online Counselling such as The Mix - support for under 25’s
Other Useful Organisations to help with mental health
Penny Jarrett also makes mental wellbeing affirmations to sprinkle a little happiness in your life. You can buy them here.
As always, you are more than welcome to message me privately on my email or through my socials. You are also welcome to leave a comment below. Whatever state your mental health is in, know that there are people who are able and qualified to help, but you have to help yourself first. Mental health is no longer the stigma it once was. Everyone deserves to be happy, including you!
Looking back, the lines aren’t always straight but if you keep going, they eventually line back up again. #StayStrong
Liz x